The Queen went immediately into action. “I want this Abby person found, put out a reward of 2500 pounds for any information on this horrid creature who has stolen my grandchilds body! You there, guard! Go!”
The Princess, who had grown quite hungry, popped a grape into her mouth and said, “It was probably Abby who took the body. Lee, dear, would you pass me that turkey leg?”
“How can you think of eating at a time like this?” cried the Queen.
“Well, I’m sorry that I can’t sit around crying all the time. How shall I think clearly if I am a blubbering mess?”, said the Princess. “I knew you would react this way, I wish you would just shut up, Mother!”
“Lee, sit down and tell me of your quest. What did you find out?”, said the Queen.
“Well, Mother, it seems that there isn’t anyone by the name of Absynthia Hermone Francisco Carmanzarro, aka Abby, or Lady Marmalade, in our entire kingdom. There was never a Lady Marmalade who worked for The Crotch and Crab. There is no cottage three doors down from The Crotch and Crab. There is nothing. There is a man by the name of Wilhelm Grimm, but he is a storyteller in Germany. He has never lived here. One of his most famous stories is the story of Hansel and Gretel.”
The Princess jumped up from the table, “These people do exist and I’ll prove it!” The Princess then swooned onto the royal sofa, and began to sob uncontrollably for the first time. “I cannot believe that my own family thinks I am a liar and a murderess. It’s all your fault, Mother, for being so controlling! I hate you!”
The Queen spoke, “You are right, it is my fault. You are nothing but a spoiled child! I have been too free to give you everything that you ever needed, and in return you have taken my grandchild from me. Oh horror of horrors!” The Queen fell backwards into the arms of King George, but he was too busy PICKING HIS NOSE to notice, and the Queen crashed to the floor.
There was a knock at the castle doors. The scullery maid came running into the Great Hall with a piece of paper. She walked directly toward the Princess, and handed her the paper, which was sealed in a wax letterhead. She bowed and then left.
“What is it, my dear?” , asked King George, as he continued to pick his nose and fan the Queen with a turkey leg.
The Princess opened the letter, and began to read. Her eyes were wide one moment, and then squinted the next. Sir Lee began to chew his nails, and King George cried out “I got it!”, while staring at his finger in wonderment. The Queen lay unconscious still. The Princess looked at her brother in shock. Sir Lee snatched the paper from her hand. “Oh my dear sister, I am sorry, we must prepare, for they are coming for you tomorrow, and there isn’t much we can do!”
To be continued….Part VI coming soon…
May 21, 2009 at 9:15 pm
You are absolutely freaking hysterical. I was laffin my ass off….keep posting new chapters. I’m surprised you didn’t have King George with his thumb up his ass or something but it was still great.
May 21, 2009 at 9:37 pm
I got it before I went to bed. I’m sooo happy! Looking forward to part VI. ( I really loved how King
George was busy picking his nose, when Queen Cynthia fell!!!) LOL! I think you really should consider writing some books. I would be your greatest fan!
May 21, 2009 at 9:47 pm
BROVO dont forget your biggest fans when you become famous. YOU GO GIRL MORE MORE MORE AND MORE THANKS FOR THE BIG LAUGH…….LOL
May 22, 2009 at 2:55 am
I dont know how you think of this stuff but your a genius you got us all hooked
LOL You go girl !! YOU ROCK!!!!!!!!
May 22, 2009 at 7:09 am
“. . . and King George cried out “I got it!”, while staring at his finger in wonderment!!!!!” Good Lord! That’s FUNNY! Look out JK Rowling!!!
May 23, 2009 at 10:55 am
really first class. I check for updates all the time.
May 23, 2009 at 12:33 pm
Thanks Thom, I’m working on part VI. Thanks for stopping by…MC